Maniac with a car

Lets see, I beat 2 red lights, cut an elderly man at the zebra crossing, knocked down some poles, released the clutch too early countless times......

Jokes

A car smashed past the guardrail, rolled down the cliff, bounced off a huge tree and landed upside down with its wheels spinning frantically in the air. The driver crawled up towards the main road. A passing motorist asked:" Are you drunk?"
The driver replied:" of course, what else do you think I am? A stunt driver?"

Monday

I am so tired. Just returned from MDC and heng, there was one new M1 student! MDC will not see its total demise under my charge this year.

I think that Subway food is rather digusting. The bread is wierd and there are insufficient vegetables. Bascially, its very high in sugars (Bad bad carbo) and fat.

Jokes

A drunk was peeing into a fountain in the middle of town when a policeman walked by.
" Hey, you there! Put it away. And stop that!" shouted the policeman
Grudgingly, the drunk did up his belt and zipped up. After a while, the drunk burst out laughing
" What's so funny?" asked the policeman
The drunk replied :" Ha Ha Ha, I put it away but I did not stop."

1st week of school

I dislike the COFM lectures. They involve the 2 elements that put me off - Maths and Propaganda. That's all I dare to say for now.

And someone (IK) lied to me that he saw Stefanie Sun at Bukit Timah hill jogging with 2 bodyguards when she was in New York filming an ad. How silly.

Jokes:

A surgeon told his patient:" Hello, this is nurse Lim and she has a severe case of halitosis. She will be French-kissing you before your operation."
" But why? " asked the patient.
The surgeon said :" Because we have run out of anasthetic."

EMI

Yay... It's finalised. Yanzi will be joining EMI. Finally she will be free from the clutches of the wretched Warner Music. Now they have lost the most valuable gem that they have neglected in the past 2 years and this serves them right.

Warner will be releasing the compilation album in September along with Jay Chou's new album. (Another sales war) Orders for the compilation have reportedly reached 1.8 million. EMI will then release her maiden album under Capitol in December. Wait, but December is sandwiched between so many CAs.

Jokes

A man was lying in the hospital bed covered in bandages from head to toe. A nurse asked him about his occupation.
Man:" I was previously a window cleaner."
Nurse:" When did u give it up?"
Man:" About halfway down! " (the building)

Why do ant-eaters rarely get sick?
Ans: They are full of anty-bodies (antibodies)

Price war

Just a quick update on EMI-Capitol and Warner Music. There's a giantic price war between the 2 record giants to get Stefanie Sun. Up till a few days ago, EMI offered a transfer fee (excluding royalties etc) of 150 million TWD (S$ 7.2 million) and just recently Warner decided it would offer 150 TWD as well. This led to EMI offering 160 million TWD yesterday. - Childish-

The only reason why they are so generous is that Warner Music has made a total profit of S$80 million in the past 5 yrs out of Stefanie Sun. The price war is getting exciting......

Jokes:

2 surgeons were talking over tea one day and their conversation turned to work.
S1 :" I operated on Mr Sim that day"
S2 :" How much was the operation?"
S1 :" S$19000"
S2 :" What did he have?"
S1 :" Oh, about S$19000"

School started

Friday was like quite time wasting. Had some introductory lectures and spent quite a while doing next to nothing in the Micro B lab. They called us down for a few hours just to spend a few minutes signing for the timetable and filling up some record card. My male friend had a (Miss) printed beside his name on the record card. It went : LXX HXX WXX (Miss). Hahahaha.

Then went on a outing with my anat class since the whole bangseh group bangsehed. The shake at billy bombers was not bad and they gave us coupons worth $11 for their 11th anniversary.

Jokes:

Did you hear about the cannibal on diet?
Ans: He ate only midgets.

A blond bought a new fire alarm. After installing it to her ceiling, she read the instructions further. It read "Test your alarm." So she set fire to her sofa and coffee table.

Marche outing

Yesterday we had a late celebration at Marche for winning MQ. The venue was originally Siam Kitchen. (where is that?) Not everybody turned up but we still had fun.

There was this weird promotion that enabled one to get a discount with a "Moo Moo" card. (what's that?) So cow-fusing. (confusing)

Jokes:

What is the worse thing about having a lung transplant?
Ans: The first few times you cough, its not your phlegm.

What's the difference between toilet paper and toast?
Ans: toast is brown on both sides.

FIR

Has anybody heard FIR's new album . I think its pretty good although their past 2 albums were better. At least I have something to tide me over until October.

Yes, finally. Stephanie Sun's new album is slated for an October release. And it will be a 'new songs + compilation' album. Trust the ever so lousy Warnermusic to chart this kind of career path. Hopefully this is the last Warner album that she will ever produce. Can't stand its inefficient publicity methods and all its sucky planning.

They did not even record the Taiwan concert she held, despite them blowing 20 million NT on TV screens and clothing alone. So no concert DVD or VCD I guess.

Jokes:

2 blonds found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station.
Blond 1 :" What if one of them blows up on the way to the police station?"
Blond 2 :" Never mind, then we will lie that we only found 2."

A blond applied for a job at a large MNC and was required to undergo some intelligence tests
The interviewer asked :" In history, Captain Cook went on only 3 expeditions. But he died after one of them. Was that after his first, second or third expedition?"
The blond thought for a while and said :" Sorry, I am hopeless at history, could i have another question instead?"